The Library Calls.

Hello all,

I am currently at the library, but I happen to be on their computers instead of my own. This is because I am backing up my system just in case it should ever crash. I've had it happen before (crash, that is) and it sucks, so when I saw that Rebecca was backing up her system, I thought I would do the same. Except for the fact that it takes about 10 hours and multiple DVDs to complete. Oh well, it will save me a lot in the long run, I suppose.

While walking past Top Pot on my way here, I realized that I have not yet had a donut there. Bizarre, non? I might get one this week, I just haven't been very hungry in the past few days. Maybe it's the travel, maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the stress of moving back in. Well, maybe it's not the stress of moving back in because I'm not really stressed. In fact, I had trouble getting to sleep last night because I was convinced my life is perpetually boring. The feeling has since passed, but I am still wondering where in the world that feeling even came from. I'll let you know if I figure it out.

I've been cleaning a lot the last few days. Funny thing is, I still haven't gotten to my room. I mean, it's no pig sty (come on, am I even capable of that?), but it's not the cleanest it's ever been either. Today, we cleaned the fridge and the freezer. It was about time. I wiped everything out (hey Ash, does this sound like anyone we know?) and rearranged so now it's much better than it was. I mean, you would think that two relatively intelligent, well-kept girls could be clean, but man, I've come to find that it's not always the case. Unfortunately for me, I suppose. I'm hoping to get to my room in the next few days. The thing is, I really want to get rid of clothes, shoes, books, but I become so attached! I don't exactly know why, but...I'll let you know if I figure it out. ;)

I had dinner with Becca last night at her house and then we talked a bunch before watching the second episode (first season) of Grey's. (OH, Justin Timberlake's new CD and the second season of Grey's came out yesterday and I am the proud owner of BOTH! Hooray!!) She's seen it only a few times and wants to watch from the beginning. Cool with me. We got to talking and I began to tell her about my overwhelming feeling of inadequacy lately. It might seem silly, but it comes from a very real place deep inside my heart. This all started because I happen to see Rebecca's GRE scores and GPA laying out on the table yesterday afternoon (she's been applying for grad schools before moving to Italy) and I couldn't help but think to myself: WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN GRAD SCHOOL WHEN PEOPLE WITH THOSE TYPES OF SCORES ARE APPLYING???? Am I really cut out for this? What am I doing here? I'm not making anything spectacular or thinking up fantastically radical ideas...Where does this leave me? Will I ever be accepted into a Clinical PhD program with competition this stiff? I guess I'm in serious self doubt mode, which brings me to my next topic of dicussion: grad school.

I've decided that my resolution this academic year is to remember that grad school is only a part of my life, it is NOT my life. I've made this mistake in the past and I really need to get a grip this year. I mean, I can't tell you how aggressive this feeling of dread is!! I am positively dreading going back to school!! I think I need to relax and start making some positive associations with this city. No wonder I didn't want to come back here! Beautiful Seattle to other people means back to studying my ass off, feeling guilty, and not having fun! Boo hoo for that. I'm am trying hard to change my knee-jerk reaction.

Okay, I'm off. I gotta check out some other websites and then dip into Safeway for some groceries before heading home and trying to weed through my room. Ciao!