Important Blabber

Every day I am here I realize how much I have changed. And I'm not going to lie, it's seriously disturbing. I don't know what happened, but I am definitely not the same person I used to be. I guess that's good because no one is static, though my differences are much more apparent when I am in a place that changes just about as quickly as human evolution. I swear grad school has made me less human than I was before. Maybe that's why I have such a problem with being different now. Sure, I can talk for days about the effects of dance movement therapy on body image in adolescents or the impact of newly established ethical standards for research with children, but to have a real conversation when I'm supposed to talk about how I feel and...I'm lost. I suppose it's because I don't know exactly HOW I feel anymore; I've learned to mask it so well now. Or maybe it's because I have expertly found out how to keep emotions out of my work, my studying, my life. It's easier that way: I don't have to deal with the complications of stressful or sorrowful or angry feelings if I am just numb all the time, right? I should probably sing "Hallelujah" when I am pissed or sad or feeling silly because I am actually FEELING. That's going to be my summer project...figure out how to feel again. Figure out where exactly emotion goes to while in grad school and how to get it back. Can I please be "normal" again?