I'm a Mess.

I'm exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Exhausted. Jason once told me that everyone he has ever talked to who has already received their PhD told him, "I'm so glad I did it, but I would never do it again." Now I know what they're talking about.

I think things go wrong at the exact moment when nothing else can go wrong. It may not be at the moment when everything HAS gone wrong, but it is at that very second when nothing CAN go wrong because there are no resources, no energy to deal with it. We have stuff to do and it just so happens that my summer job doesn't go through. It just so happens that Christine's apartment is infested with black mold and she has to get out. It just so happens that I can't even remember what other bad things are happening. Maybe it's not all bad. I know it's not and I know this post sounds really miserable, but I'm okay. Christine told me today that I could be depressed. I don't care about food, I am so tired that I go to bed at 9:30pm and don't wake up until 8am, and I am not motivated to do anything to my best ability. Is there such a thing as temporary depression? I told my roommates that I will be nice after June 6.

Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Seriously. This is all part of the game. This is when we have to buck up and do what we need to do to get it all done. This is when my motto comes into play: "Success is completion." (It's all thanks to Kelly who introduced me to the quote.) My question is: Will it be like this for another five years? Gee, before I started this program, I didn't think I was masochistic, but now I guess I'll have to rethink that...