Time is Moving...

...and I don't want it to! I am so content being here, in Green Bay, with no other worries or difficulties. I know myself better, though my "now" self gets mixed in with my "then" self maybe too often. Sometimes, I'll think to myself, I should call Brad to see what he's up to right now. I then have to remind myself that we haven't been together for three years. Weird. It is still weird for me to think about when I'm here.

That said, I am so happy being single. I have never felt such...satisfaction with myself. It's not wavering month by month, it's here to stay, I think. Granted, I'm not as fit as I'd like (that six-pack is still months, maybe years away) and sometimes, I get frustrated with myself for being supremely un-human, but I like me. I like the single me. I like the me that isn't caught up in what her boyfriend's doing or thinking. I like the me that doesn't have to care about other people if she doesn't want to. (Though I still do even when it's unnecessary.) I don't have any of the obligations, commitments, guilt, unsatisfaction, or shame that comes with being in a relationship. I don't feel bad about being in Green Bay. I don't feel bad about deciding to move to Seattle. I won't feel bad about living in France, Boston, NYC, or any other place for that matter. I won't feel bad about wanting to make a home in Minneapolis when I'm done with all my stuff. I'm not waiting anymore. I wanted to get to that point where I wasn't just always looking, waiting, watching for someone "nice" to come along. I wanted to be okay enough with my life and my friends and myself that I didn't need to be waiting. And I don't now. I don't need or WANT to wait. Maybe I'll feel differently when I'm 30. Or 40. But even then, I don't need to get married. I don't need to have kids. If I want to by then, I'll adopt. Or find a sperm donor. Or do what I need to do to get what I want. (It's what I've always done!) Until then, I'm okay with being just me. Me and my huge, wonderful support network of family and friends. It's all I really need. (But I definitely wouldn't be here without it.)