Split Pea Soup

That is what I had for dinner tonight. It was super yummy.

I am feeling better today. I was a serious wreck yesterday. I mean, I have very strong feelings for Zack, but I think it's better that we are not together for now. A chance to step back from the relationship and really assess what is going on. In my opinion, we are incredibly compatible, but this change will be good for the both of us. At least for a little while. I think we have both agreed that dating again in the future would be a possibility if and when the time is right. He is starting a new job, I've only been here for 3 months. You can probably see where I'm coming from. But, I don't want to set myself up for disappointment in thinking that we will get together again, so for me right now, it's over. Easier that way.

So, yesterday was my pathetic day. I spent the whole day in bed feeling like a big piece of poop. Actually, in the morning, I took a walk and it started raining and I started crying and it just felt appropriate for my mood. I was soaked and sad and miserable and cold. It was really just pathetic and I was very self-pitying. Then, I went over to Zack's to talk to him and it was useless. Not a good day for me. I know Zack will want to talk every day (he's already called me 3 times today), but I don't think that will be good for me. But...it's better than seeing him. I believe we can maintain a friendship. I know he wants to and I really do, too, but not right away. I have a lingering feeling that this is going to be an interesting friendship/relationship. For some reason, I think this situation is not going to fade away. I could be wrong, but that is the intuitive feeling I have having at the moment.

I worked out today. I also weighed myself (Disclaimer: Something I hate to do, but sometimes I think it is necessary to make sure I am not rocketing out of control) at the IMA and I have lost 7 pounds since last month! To be honest, I don't really like to get all caught up in the body image, perfect weight, I'm fat kind of bullshit, but ever since I shrunk and then ballooned out after Brad broke up with me, I have been concerned about not being in shape (I don't fit into some of my amazing, super cool, chic clothes and this pisses me off more than anything). Plus, deep down inside, I really want a six pack just to know I have the willpower and determination to get one. So I guess I'm on my way! I know that a lot of women's concerns with our bodies comes from media influence, but I hate this and I usually don't like to admit that I am subject to that influence as well. It seems so silly, but I know it's real. I just like to pretend that seeing sickly thin half-naked women on every corner billboard doesn't affect me at all. Well, it does and I wish I could do something about it. Maybe someday I can.

Anyhow, I gotta go. Check it.