I'm over Zack. I'm over Nick. I'm over Brad. I am over men who treat people like crap. I'm over men who don't recognize their power in our society. I am over men who don't recognize that they're idiots. Argh. And maybe I shouldn't even limit these statements to men! Maybe I should say that I am OVER PEOPLE WHO SUCK.
In fact, I am with someone SO COOL right now that she deserves her own TV show, her own best-seller, her own magazine, and by golly (I know, I'm living in the 1940's!), she certainly deserves a damn doctorate degree. ME. I am in love with myself, I am going to marry myself, I am going to have babies with myself because I am everything that I want. (Okay, so maybe that's a little morbid, but I think I'm great and you can plainly see where I'm going with this.) That said, I am feeling a little down lately. Not about boys, but about school. About life. And trust me when I say that you will be pissed at me when I tell you why, but also keep in mind that 1) there is no way you will ever know how I feel unless you've been (or are at) where I am now, and 2) I doubt that anything you say to make me feel better will actually make me feel better.
It's just that I feel like I haven't DONE anything with my life. (Don't look at me like that! I forewarned you that you'd be pissed...) I'm serious. I want to make a difference, to DO something and I feel like 1) I have too many interests to narrow them down to volunteer or do research or start a "project" or work or be in this program or travel, 2) I am so broke that I feel like a mini-failure and I am starting to realize that I could have gone somewhere else (with a better program for me, possibly) and gotten funded (that's what we say in graduate school speak, it basically means just that - getting PAID to get a degree). UHHHH. I am frustrated with my lack of direction. I want to make money, I want to not be in debt, I want to do something I love, I want to be somewhere I love, I want to speak French, I want to get my PhD without wasting my time, I WANT, I WANT, I WANT! In truth, I am just really looking forward to break so that I can get my head together. I feel like I have to make decisions so fast and I feel like I'm under all this pressure to KNOW, when really I'M the one that's putting the pressure on myself. (Oh, I just realized that. DING moment.) Geez. I just need a little break. I need to come back down to earth and feel my center. Relax. I know this. But you can't even tell me that you don't have some seriously unrealistic concerns yourself, so you DO know how I feel at least a little bit. Just pull out some empathy and relate, will ya? (As you can see, I am automatically assuming that you will think I am a complete nerd for thinking I am not doing anything with my life when I am, behold (!), on my way to getting a graduate degree. But then, I must remind you that feelings of doubt, insecurity, and mistrust can surface at anytime in anyone and I just need to work through them to get to where I need to be. K? K.)
As for boys...well, well, well. The reason I didn't want to tell you the weekend story of Zack is because it's rather inappropriate. Not HUGELY, but kinda. I know that some of you who read this would not really appreciate hearing it, but then again, I need to think about my larger audience, right? And I have to say that this story definitely illustrates the nature of Zack and his intentions. OHHH, yes it does. So, I am going to think about it for a little longer and maybe, if it comes to pass, I will post the tale. The tale of lies and hatred, of love and loss, of adultery and passion. Just kidding, I got a bit carried away for a second there. Moving on...
Another interesting event in the life of Kelly? We vacuumed last night. No, you don't even know. We haven't vacuumed YET (before last night). I have been living in this apartment for...FIVE months and we vacuumed for the first time last night. Yeah. I know. Now, I know first hand what happens when the carpet goes unvacuumed for five months. It's pretty damn digusting.
And, I had ballet last night. It was good, except I suck. No, really, I suck. Let me tell ya, it's the most beautiful sport, but it's also the most nit-picky. Shit! I'm for real! Seriously, it is really difficult. I am pretty much just flailing all over the place and, to make matters even funnier, I actually get praised for half of the shit I do. Not because it's correct, but I'm almost sure it's because the instructor wants to make me feel better about being in a class where everyone is over 30 and better than me.
Oh, and I'm now on this great peanut butter and jelly kick. Ever since talking about PB Loco I've been seriously craving a nice, satisfying pb and j with Ranch Wheat Thins. Mmmmm. It's so good. Shit, I should get paid to advertise for these companies. For real.
Of course, I have to respond to people's comments, like I always do, so here goes:
Grandma, thanks for the sassy advice on Z. I LOVED IT!
Nik, you know EVERYONE has fat days. I was just having "one of those days," ya know? Thanks for the compliment though, I am feeling better as well as looking more slim. It's good stuff. I also need to thank you for the reassurance that we can safely pigeon-hole Zack as an asshole. That's always good.
Krissa, I am so happy you learned how to post! Welcome to the blogging world. It's ridiculously fun and way too addicting for anyone's good, as you have already found out. And, by the way, I think we SHOULD start a bad exes club in which we tattoo their suckiness on their foreheads when they're sleeping for all to see. More of a warning, really. (In fact, when I found out that Z had a new gf, I really DID want to warn her!) Oh, I can feel it, this is totally in the works!
Dahls, I just came up with a new nickname for you, Cindy. Like it? Probably not uncommon. Anyways, glad you like the book idea, and I surely WILL sign a copy for you! Of course!
Grandma B, I also thank you for your support concerning "the book." It was the nagging that got me in the end (right Mom?), but not really.
As for the actual book, I wanted to post a few little snippets, but I have decided that it's all classified information. At least for now. If I'm actually gonna do this shit, it has to be paired with some kind of surprise! Right? I'll answer my own question, yes. That even means you, parents. No premature looks until the final product. It's much better that way, doncha think? I DO! All I know is that it's gonna be GOOOOD.
K, I'm out like a trout. Or, I'm up the river like a salmon. Ha. I'm funny.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment