Breakthrough!

I had an incredible breakthrough tonight! I don't really want to share it right now because the details are fairly intimate and I don't really feel like exposing all of my insides for everyone to see at the moment, but I'm sure it will come out soon enough in a post. It's definitely still developing, taking shape in my mind. I can't wait to talk to my therapist about it tomorrow.

Sorry I'm being so cryptic lately about "something big happened" and "having lots of stuff going on" and "having a stellar breakthrough," but I am in the middle of this HUGE life transformation and, as such, I am having a hard time articulating my feelings, experiences, successes, dramas, changes. It's like, when you're in the middle of a storm, it's hard to describe what the storm looks like. When it passes or when you come out of it, then you can more fully understand and explain what happened. Precisely how I feel.

Anyhow, Rebecca came across this next little insightful piece of text on a blog, then she emailed it to Bonnie, and then Bonnie read it to me, and then I told Bonnie to email it to me because I loved it so much. Here it is, I hope you like it as much as I do:

"Someone told me once that the only person who can control your life, is you. I've battled with this theory my whole life because most of my life I'veblamed other people for the things that happened to me. I blamed my father for teaching me that trusting in people essentially meant letting yourself be hurt. I blamed my mother for teaching me that it was okay to a let a man treat you badly as long as they claimed to love you. I blamed people but I never blamed myself. I convinced myself that I had no control over how I turned out because circumstance makes you who you are and there's nothing you can do about it. I can't remember exactly when I realized that I was in control of my own destiny. Maybe it was the moment I accepted that my self destruction was entirely of my own doing. I know things happen to us. Things that hurt us, damage us, scar us in ways that seem unrepairable, but what we choose to do with those things - is our choice. I've had many pity parties for myself and every time I've been the only guest. I've found that as much as people are drawn to tragedy, they are not drawn to misery. People can love you, support you, but even the best of friends refuse to stand on the sidelines and watch you self destruct. Once a very good friend told me she loved me and then walked out of my life. I hated her for a very long time because I thought she abandoned me when I needed her most. Years later when our paths crossed again, I asked her why she left me behind. She replied, "I didn't leave you behind, I stepped out of the way so you could see your own reflection." We often base our opinion of ourselves on what other people see in us. We measure the success of our lives by someone else's standards. We give control over the most important parts of ourselves to someone else because we're too afraid to grab hold of the reins and navigate our own path. We seek, we follow, we fall. And then we get up not because we're tired of laying on the ground, but because we're sick of the view from someone else's eyes. Yesterday someone said, 'This is how I see you...' My reply, 'It's a good thing we're looking in different mirrors.' As my wise old grandfather always said, 'If you don't like the view fromwhere you are, turn around and look in a different direction.'"

I just think that is the most beautiful description.