Bananas and Apples

Hey yos. Okay, so first of all, I will probably post pics of eyebrows tomorrow cause I don't gots lots of time at the moment. Secondly, I appreciate the validation of feelings about Zack. I saw him last night (he dropped off my tv which he was borrowing) and we had an interesting interaction. He was boring into my eyes (with his eyes of course) so hard trying to pull out some kind of feeling that I thought I was going to go blind from it! No, I'm serious. It was funny. Then we argued playfully a bit (which I really hate and try not to give into) and he actually asked me if I was mad at him....WTF? Seriously. He does these little immature things in order to elicit certain responses from me and I don't give in so I think he gets kinda mad in some ways. Whatever. It really doesn't matter. All that matters is that I have my tv back, so Mom and Dad, SEND MY SUPER NINTENDO so that I can play that instead of doing homework! Oh, so I had this really importanto (read with a Spanish accent) presentation yesterday and it went GREAT! I am so excited at how well it went and the fact that I am DONE with it! Hooray! In fact, to celebrate, I ate 3 donuts yesterday afternoon. I know, it's the worst thing in the world. No wonder I feel like shit today, right?

One more thing...I decided to compose a list of things I learned in my relationship with Zack. Why might you ask? Well, this list is to be consulted in situations when (or if): 1) I ever, ever should even consider getting into a relationship with Zack again, 2) I ever, ever should even consider getting into a relationship with someone remotely like Zack, and 3) I start feeling bad about not dating Zack or not being in a relationship at all. I have standards, people. Read on. (Some items have been omitted because some of my family members would be seriously scarred if they them.)

1) Someone who says “I love you” within the first week probably has intimacy issues – be wary of this.
2) I should not feel bad about myself with my significant other.
3) My significant other should be proud of being with me and want to “label” our relationship because he wants to be with me.
4) Sometimes honesty is not always true honesty and open communication is just an excuse for other areas of deficiency.
5) Maternal/parental/familial support is extremely important to me.
6) GO WITH MY GUT FEELINGS. LISTEN TO MY INTERNAL BANK OF KNOWLEDGE. (I knew he didn’t fit into my family right away!)
7) I was able to be skeptical at first, but I gave the relationship a chance, and then I recognized soon enough that it wasn’t for me and I got out. GO ME.
8) There is no use in being petty, insecure, condescending, or jealous before, during, or after any relationship.
9) I want someone who makes me feel important, intelligent, validated, beautiful, secure in the relationship, free from jealousy or harm, enlightened, stimulated, optimistic, inspired, justified, proud, excited, and positive. I WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME AND LOVES THAT I LOVE ME AND MAKES ME MORE ME! On the other hand, I do not want someone who will oppress or exploit me, make me feel ugly, insecure, used, or unworthy, or be ashamed/embarrassed to be with me.
10) I really want a relationship: What void does this fill or what function does it serve in my life and how can I complete it within myself?
11) I will NEVER do friends with benefits ever again. I don’t like it. I feel used and worthless.
12) Listen to what people say because in their every word, they are telling me something about themselves and how they construct their reality. Often times, how I feel around someone is really their presence influencing me and, though probably unaware of it, they are making me feel a certain way because of how they feel about themselves. (An example: I felt insecure around Zack because he feels insecure about himself. Another example: At my internship at East Side Neighborhood Services working with anger management clients, the staff told me to make note of how I was feeling during the intake process because to some degree, it reflected how the client wanted to make me feel about myself or how they projected their own feelings upon me.)
13) I NEVER want to be in a relationship with someone I feel I have to help or counsel.
14) I don’t have time for immaturity or superficiality in my life.
15) I know what I am not willing to compromise in a relationship: My values (no one should ask me to compromise these anyway), PDA (I LIKE IT FOR ME), my self-security and self-worth, my positive outlook on life. (See above for more.)
16) No situation/relationship/experience is worthy of regret because a) it was probably meant to happen, and b) I can always learn something from it.

That's it. Good, hey? Okay, I really gots to go. Miss you all!

PS - Raya, we gots to talk for reals!
Susanne, I did get your email and I will be replying soon! Sorry for the delay! :)