The Beginning of a Coercive Cycle

You have all just reinforced my negative behavior by posting after my vicious complaints. Nice work. Now all I have to do to get a little feedback from all my readers is post a little ditty about how much I hate blogging and getting no love in return. This certainly is not a reciprocal relationship here. I'm just being hostile because, judging by my influx of comments, you all like that style. Apparently, being funny and bitchy at the same time gets me somewhere. I feel like Christina on Gray's Anatomy - a whole lotta mouth and nothin to show for it. (A side note: I still feel like I discovered that show. It's quite possibly the best thing ever.)

So, here I am, in the library (or my fourth home...if you have no idea what I'm talking about, please refer to the October archives for a more complete explanation of my various homes), on my computer with short nails (the first time with short nails in YEARS). Yeah, so I had to cut all my nails off after a little incident at the IMA (it's the Intermural Activities Center for those of you who can still not remember this acronym) yesterday. Let me tell you about it. So I was down in the free weights section of the building (otherwise known as a sausage-fest...use your imagination) strutting my stuff (hey, I'm single, it's allowed) and I went over to a bar to take off the 45 pound barbells. (I'm strong, but I'm not THAT strong.) I wanted to do squats and I am totally unable to with those beasts on the bar. I am just about to set the weight down when it slipped, I dropped it and it nearly took off the nails on the middle and ring fingers of my right hand. So much for equality among the nail lengths. I cut them all off last night in an attempt to make them look better, but now I feel as though I have lost half of my fingers in a tragic gym accident. Sounds like Zoolander or something. I had another accident yesterday as well. (Gee, I suck.) I didn't realize this one until this morning when an important muscle failed to live up to normal expectations. So, while lifting yesterday, I decided to do one exercise for my calves (I don't like to do my calves for fear of Bob-Madigan-type calves...he was a guy I graduated high school with that had the friggin hugest calves I've ever seen...they were monsterous and frankly, they were scary). Nothing exceptional happened, except I thought I had a cramp in my right calf afterwards. Well, it never went away and now I'm left limping around campus like a dumb ass. I've already iced it today (in class, nonetheless) and I'm going home in a bit to take a hot bath. Ahhh. Soothing. I suppose it didn't help that I had my first adult ballet class last night. And boy do I hurt today. It's parallel to typical Poms soreness after an 8 hour day of dancing on our first day back from a 3 month break...needless to say, I'm having a hard time sitting on the toliet. Ouch, hurts just to think about it. Anyhow, ballet was good, but HARD. Damn, in Center Stage, they make it look easy. There are all these different placements of body parts and sucking in and pushing down and standing tall and tightening up and rotating out that I just can't grasp yet. It's gonna be interesting and I'm pretty much going to be a pro after 3 classes. Pretty much.

Huh, other than that, I have an exciting few weeks ahead of me. Tonight, a friend from Wisconsin and I are going out for dinner and drinks (but probably just drinks for me because I 1) don't want to spend money on dinner, 2) have enough red bell peppers and mushrooms at home - from a recent visit to Costco, thanks Kel - to last me another 2 months at least). It's a funny story, actually because we took a Leadership class together in the spring of 2004 and the Leadership minor just came out with a semi-annual bulletin update on people in the minor. He just recently moved out to Seattle and saw in the update that I attend UW (University of Washington for those of you who are much more likely to think of that acronym as the University of Wisconsin), so he emailed me and we are hanging out tonight. Probably a bad decision because I have homework to do (besides the fact that I won't be able to walk), but it's all in good fun. I'll have a Miller Lite and all will be well. Oh shit, before I forget: HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO JEANNA! I don't know if she's reading, but she's practically my sister (haha) and I gotta let her know that I'm thinking about her and at this very moment, all of you are, too. :) I am ever the trickster.

Then tomorrow, I have class all day, except I'm not going to my last night class (Developing Curriculum for Persons with Disabilities - YUCK for all to hear) because I have a group interview for a tanning salon in my neighborhood. Wish me luck! I think I'll actually have to look good, though, because I'll probably be competing with girls half my age (well, not really) who are all tan and done up and shit. I just want the job because (here I go with the lists again) 1) I get paid, 2) I get paid for wiping beds, making appointments, doing laundry, and doing my homework - DING! 3) it's hella close in proximity (a three minute walk), 4) I get paid for doing my homework (pretty much), 5) there is a possibility of getting free tans although I've vowed to stop tanning ever since I realized it's really bad for you...well, at least I've cut down. Notice it's the last reason, hence it's the least important. I can't help that I like how I look when I'm tan!

On Friday, I have a busy morning (getting up at 7am which is earlier than normal) what with going to some presentations, working out, icing my poor dysfunctional calf, and meeting with my advisor to go over doctoral issues or whatever. Then it's homework time for me...midterms this week and next. PLUS, I gotta get stuff done because Sarah Mathews is coming into town next week (on Sunday) and I wanna have my shit done.

Saturday is the day I'm going to read the damn newspaper (seriously, I dream about this now since my mind is filled with academic bullshit) and then Christine and I are going to finish (fingers crossed!) our ethics paper on research with children. We hope to submit this paper to a little contest sponsored by APA (American Psychological Association) and win ourselves...something.

On Sunday, the Seahawks play the Steelers in the Superbowl, so Seattle is likely to be a frickin hot spot, especially if the Seahawks win (they will, I'm on the bandwagon). I'm going over to the Crawfords for some food and beverages, then I'm watching a little Gray's Anatomy and going to pick up SARAH! Hooray! (She doesn't know it yet, but she's moving to Seattle.)

That's pretty much my next few days. Oh, and did I tell you that I am currently growing out my eyebrows to get a new shape and it's literally killing my self-esteem. Seriously, this is hard! (You won't know until you've tried it!) Kel and I are getting our brows (and lip for me) waxed on the 15th (my first time). Kel is set to tango (figuratively of course) with the "Waxing Diva" of Seattle...we think it's a self-proclaimed nickname, but I guess we'll see about that. Pretty cool, huh?

Oh, and I have to say thank you to those who did comment last week. I appreciate your words and to those of you who have emailed me, I hope to get back to you soon! It's on my list of priorities, I promise. (By the way, Susanne, did you get my email?)

One last thing: I have finally decided my year and what it will entail. Prepare yourself. It's a long one. Here goes:

*The Year of Living Authentically*

This year will focus on:

1) Living authentically which includes being free with my emotions and letting things "just happen." I will focus on my studies and those aspects of my life that are important to ME. I will try to understand my impulses and learn not necessarily to control them, but to indulge in them when appropriate. I will take the time to be myself and challenge the restrictive boundaries I have without compromising my integrity and the respect I have for myself. I will not sell myself short, nor will I settle, but I will also feel free to live authentically as I know my higher power will exercise control and make things happen for me at the appropriate times. I have the utmost faith that my choices are ultimately shaping my destiny with a little help from an omnipotent being.

2) Being completely in tune with my body. This includes being in (or getting into) shape, being healthy in my exercise and the foods I eat, and listening to what my body says in all aspects: Sleep, food, water intake, intuition, love, feelings...everything. I must cultivate and nurture the connection that my mind has with my body and never underestimate the power of my intuition. This may be one of the most important things on which I work.

3) My judgment and the pressure I put on myself to be a perfect person. I am a good person and though I am careful not to judge others, I am constantly judging myself. If I chose to accept myself, many of my insecurities will fade and I will just become me, raw and uncensored. This may be the epitome of living authentically.

4) Work ethic and its implications on my life for the next five years. I will strive to be productive while keeping my sanity and staying internally healthy. I will balance my work with my play, and I will remember that work is just as important as play. I will work to manage my time in an efficient and effective manner while realizing that time is time and though there is never enough, I am only doing my best to make things work. All I can do is what works for me. All I can do is my best.

5) My spirituality. It does not matter what I chose as my religion, I want to be in touch with the world, my body, and my supreme goddess or god. My spiritual development is just as important, if not more, that my personal and professional development.

Two mottos that I will live by this year:
“It is only through acceptance, not judgment that we achieve wholeness.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”

I hope this is inspiring to you! (It certainly is for me!)

Miss you all and love you all!

Ciao from the rainiest city on earth...

PS - Props to my Ashes for getting into the University of Minnesota's Occupational Therapy program! Hip Hip Hooray! A serious pat on the back is in order! :)